Activism and the Lightworker

Many of us that identify as lightworkers often feel as though they are tasked with a very important mission in life.   This mission, sometimes still not understood or realized fully, is at the core of their being and perhaps even led them to the discovery that they are lightworkers themselves.    The term lightworker, usually refers to someone that’s of high vibration, uplifting, and has a desire to spread this sense of well being around the globe.    What happens though when a lightworker’s mission in life contradicts with this practice of spreading light, and literally does the opposite?   What if in the process of activism, a lightworker brings “to light” acts of humans which are disturbing to others,  in effect, lowering their vibration?   Can a lightworker successfully fulfill their destiny and at the same time make others feel a sense of love and worthiness?    I often struggle with these questions myself and present them to you for your feedback and point of view.   Perhaps we can both learn a thing or two and help each other out at the same time.

I always grew up wanting to help others.    I can remember at the age of five telling my mom I wanted to be a waiter in a restaurant because they got to “serve” people.   I totally believe this was me as a young lightworker realizing I wanted to live a life of service and to make the world a better place.    Lightworkers aren’t a new thing, you can look through history and find them… those figures wanting to make a difference and challenging the status quo.   Sometimes they make indelible marks in our collective consciousness and we find their names in school books and documentaries, while others are no further than our next door neighbor or family member, the one that always helps out or simply brightens the room with a smile.    Not to pat myself of the back, but I truly love to make and see people feel happy, especially with laughter through my sometimes unusual sense of humor (yeah, I get myself into trouble often with jokes no one seems to get or even finds offensive.)  I also love sticking up for the underdog, quick to offer assistance to someone I feel is being taken advantage of, or being wronged somehow.

When I was in the fourth grade, my life in activism began as I stood up for a group of classmates that received sour popsicles during lunch time.    You had to pay an extra .15 cents for this geometric wonder of frozen orange juice, and I didn’t think it was right that none of us could eat them because they tasted so horrible.     After over an hour of going from one school employee to another, and my teacher thinking the experience was way cool, I negotiated free popsicles the following day for my everyone at my lunch table.   An activist, or even an injury attorney was born!  Lucky for me I stuck with computers, but my roots in sticking up for others were firmly in place.

Fast forward 37 years later (shit I’m old) and I’m still trying to do my best to help the planet, but I noticed recently this came at a cost.    As many of you may know, I’m pretty new to Facebook, and the ability to share information truly amazes me, even as an information technology professional.    It can be an amazing tool, and hey if social media can sway an election, it can obviously sway minds in a positive direction, such as one of my passions, educating others and protecting wildlife.    As a docent at a local zoo, I was able to effect change through one-on-one personal interactions with visitors for almost 18 years.   Only now I can help my furry companions by spreading information on my time line!  Oh Joy!   It didn’t occur to me though that some of the content I would be sharing would be considered offensive or disturbing to others.    I had even been asked to curtail my posts,  alter them to accommodate the reader’s preference.   After explaining this would lesson the effect, and that you could hide posts from your timeline that you don’t like, as I often do,  I wondered if this was an isolated incident, or if others felt the same.    Turns out they did, although it had nothing to do about animals… it was politics.    Damn.

O Magazine Cover

This cover from the latest issue of O Magazine, encourages its readers to take on a cause and “be the light you want to see.”

This month on the cover of O Magazine, Opera Winfrey touts about shining your light, clearly a call to all lightworkers to get involved and do something!   Oprah Winfrey by the way is the Fairy Queen of all lightworkers, she comes to your dreams at night when you turn 18 and ordains you.    Okay, that’s so not true, it’s 21, but the point is that much of what Oprah is famous for is making others feel empowered and making them feel good, the goal of most lightworkers in some capacity or another (I would like to think.)   However, I had made someone feel bad by trying to spread my light and make others aware of how their money can end up supporting big game hunting.    And making someone feel bad is not something I ever like doing, nor is it a nice thing to do knowingly, which I didn’t.    Yet the activist in me refused to back down and I didn’t change my posts.    I figured the good I was doing was too important and outweighed any bad that might come as a result.   You know, the greater good!    Does this make sense to anyone?

If you think you have this figured out, this ends up taking even a more complex twist.   Several weeks ago I went to see Abraham Hicks speak in Orlando Florida and I actually got the opportunity to sit in the hot seat and speak to these amazing group of entities.    We’re all besties now.  If you follow Abraham Hicks and their teachings long enough, you’ll realize a bit of a recurring theme… that of physical, but not energetic pacifism.    In many of Abraham’s teachings, they speak of not needing to feel as though you need to save the world (which isn’t broken according to them,) or to get the President impeached, because all you need to do is adjust your energy accordingly and reality will adjust to your vibration.   In other words, just be a lightworker, spread your light and think positive.   Don’t piss anyone off and your vibrational attraction will, in turn, effect change.   No offensive imagery needed, just let your vibrational output do all the work.    Seriously?    You mean I don’t need to raise awareness?   I am the awareness?  Woah!!!!

So now maybe you can see what I’m dealing with here.    I want to make people happy, I want to change the world, I don’t want to piss people off, but I don’t want to see baby harp seals clubbed to death.   And I really want no-kill shelters and I want a mini-pig… well a pig that someone thought was mini but realized there wasn’t really such a thing and it grew too big and now it needs a home.   That’s what I want to do!   Commas omitted intentionally.   I don’t know if I’m prepared to just say Rosa Parks could have just thought of sitting in the front seat and the same reactions through time and space would have occurred.    I think for that to happen much more people need to know about the Law of Attraction.

Well that’s my issue.    So I ask all of you… is it possible to be a lightworker and an activist?    Don’t all lightworkers want to be activists?   If you’re a lightworker please comment below and let me know what your feelings are about this.    Perhaps there’s some middle ground or maybe it’s just an all or nothing approach.    I just want to keep doing what I’m doing and not piss off or hurt anyone in the process.   Is that even possible?

Thanks for reading, you all rock.    I’m speaking to the lightworkers here, everyone else sucks.    Just kidding!!!   🙂

 

 

In The Hot Seat with Abraham Hicks

Spiritual journeys can take you more places than American Airlines, that’s probably why their called “journeys.”   They can transport you from a small church with a white steeple in the deep south, to mega-structures and re-purposed stadiums that accommodate tens of thousands of people in a single Sunday service.   The can bring you inwards, to take a deeper look into what makes you you, or they can take you outwards, quite literally, to the great outdoors where the Pagans celebrate the gifts and cycles that nature affords them.  Or they can take you to Orlando Florida to meet a lady that channels a group of ancient non-physical conscious beings that she refers to as “Abraham.”  The last reference, while sounding more science fiction than spirituality, is actually something Oprah Winfrey and I have in common… we both got to speak with Abraham Hicks and learn about the “Law Of Attraction.”  Not intended to replace your religious beliefs or spiritual practice, the concept of Law Of Attraction is a way of looking at the events in your life, how you react to them, and how you “attract” positive and negative experiences alike.

Ester Hicks channels a group of non-physical conscious beings called “Abraham.” photo credit Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Years ago, my good friend and fellow lightworker Willy, sent me a video about a lady named Ester Hicks.     She was your average, upper class American that enjoyed the good life with her husband Jerry,  spending their days shopping and having lunch together… according to her radio interview with Oprah.  Through a series of unique events, Ester began noticing that something interesting was happening to her.  She began to communicate with something that was not of this world.   They were not aliens, they were not human, they were essentially advanced intelligent beings made entirely of pure consciousness.  As time went by, Ester’s ability to communicate with this group of beings increased and they became known as “Abraham.”    While sounding almost biblical in nature, these beings do not represent any particular religion, rather they teach about an energy field that flows through each and every one of us.   Star Wars fans relax, it’s not called the force, it’s called Source Energy or what most humans would call God.

I never watched the video Willy sent me, perhaps I had put it aside until I was able to focus on the lengthy topic, and give it my full attention… or maybe I just deleted his email and went back to looking for free gay porn on the internet.   Whatever the reason, I didn’t think any more about it until years later while browsing through messages from an online spiritual group I belong to, The Lightworkers Lab.   Tricia Carr, a member and moderator of the lab,  had mentioned Abraham Hicks in one of her shows and I was curious to see what “he” was all about.   It didn’t take me long to realize that “he” (Abraham,)  was actually a “she” (Ester,) that was channeling the them (Abraham.)    Okay I’m lying it confused the hell out of me.

Ester Hicks has an incredibly soothing voice, like the one I wish my grandmother had, the one that could actually cook.   She’s very reassuring to listen to and I felt at ease almost instantly the first time I played one of her YouTube videos this past October.    She spoke of something called “the vortex” and “manifestation,” and how thinking positive and having a sense of “knowing” that good things will happen to you, will actually attract them, hence the term “Law Of Attraction.”   So basically a motivational speaker like any other except this speaker is channeling several beings at a time.    Here’s where things start to change…. the “beings” seem to really have their shit together and make a whole lot of sense.    While Abraham is talking through Ester, your mind starts playing all these examples in your head where you’ve actually seen this working in your everyday life.  Like for instance we all know the person we love very much, but hate to hang with them, because they’re so incredibly negative and do nothing but talk about how horrible their life is.   So if it’s working in that direction, it’s gotta work the other way right?

Apparently Oprah Winfrey thought so and so did a lot of other people that bought the book or saw the movie “The Secret.”   Turns out that a large part of the inspiration for the book was based on the teachings of Abraham Hicks, which lead Oprah Winfrey to interview Ester on her radio show, eventually also talking to Abraham herself.   A book was later published by Ester and her husband Jerry, called “Introducing Abraham, The Secret Behind The Secret.”  So in a way there are many many closeted Hicks followers and they don’t even know it.   It’s important to note here, that Abraham didn’t create the Law Of Attraction, they just teach about the concept and how you and the universe integrates with it.

Kim and I very excited to see Abraham Hicks. Great seats since we arrived at registration early.

So it’s March now and my good friend Kim and I are sitting in a hotel ballroom waiting for Ester Hicks to come out on stage.    I introduced her to Abraham recordings on YouTube shortly after I heard my first video, and she had since become an all out Hicks groupie.    She really loved this positive message about being an up-lifter and being able to change the world through your own happiness and positive thoughts.  Of course you can’t sit in a room with over 1,000 students of Abraham, and followers of Law Of Attraction, without everyone talking to each other about how it’s changed their life.  To be honest this was ringing some cult bells for me, or perhaps it reminded me of a really charismatic Baptist Church where people seem almost high on the Holy Spirit.   However after a few minutes, I realized these were just people that were really excited to be with other people that wanted to live a positive life, regardless of their spiritual beliefs or backgrounds.   They wanted to elevate their vibration and see the world through different eyes, to see the perfection in everything, even the bad things.   A lady that introduced herself in the registration queue said she loved what Abraham had to say because it was in alignment with the teachings of Jesus.   She was born and raised in the church and even went to bible college, and for her this was the missing puzzle piece that made it all work.

Suddenly the background music starts playing pretty loud and everyone starts screaming.    People start singing along and standing up, clapping their hands while a video is playing on the screen.    “It’s the joy song!” Kim says with excitement, and stands up to clap.   Now I really feel like I’m in a cult and I’m concerned about how Kim knows the lyrics to the song.  I stand up to offer my support and I reluctantly clap besides her.    I’ve never been comfortable in the these settings, the only clapping and shouting I’ve experienced in a spiritual gathering was at black church in Miami, and as far as I’m concerned, they are the only ones that make it work.

After the “joy” song succeeded in robbing me of any I had left, Ester Hicks came on the stage.    Her presence is truly magnetic and I was instantly smiling and screaming along with everyone else, my hands clapping so hard I could have got blisters.    She asked us all to sit down and Kim looked at me and said “we’re here!  we’re actually here!”   She was right, we were here and I needed to let any preconceived notions go, ignore what was happening around me, and see if real life Abraham was just as moving and powerful as YouTube Abraham was.   As Angelica Houston’s character stated in the film “The Witches,” I was in for a treat.

Ester didn’t waste much time in letting us know she was happy to see us, but she was going to let Abraham do their thing.    She’s very humble and a little quirky, a stark contrast to the confidence and presence that’s observed with Abraham.    Standing behind a podium she began to breathe deeply, nodding her head a couple of times as if being asked by Abraham if she was ready, or maybe even for permission…. she began to speak slowly, saying “good morning” and then stating the words that start almost every Abraham Hicks session… “It’s good to come together for the purposes of co-creation.”  Goose bumps time!

One of the best parts of going to see Abraham Hicks speak is that every session is completely different because the audience is asked to participate.    During the four hour long workshop, six or seven individuals are asked to come on stage, their backs to the audience, while sitting on a nice comfy chair called “the hot seat.”    People can ask any question they’d like to ask a group of ancient non-physical beings, there are no restrictions.  You get picked by Abraham as they peer out into the audience and point in your general direction.     This gets narrowed down by the instruction “stand if you think it’s you” and then more are weeded out.   What attracts Abraham to select you?   The people around me said she’s attracted to your spiritual “light” and what I didn’t tell them was that I knew I was going to get picked since a month or so before the event.  How?   I just could feel it and I was nervous about it at first, not because I was scared to speak with Abraham, but because I didn’t have anything to ask.   I finally worked on a question with Kim about a week before the event, because like I said, I knew I’d get picked.

photo credit Michelle Sampson

Ester Hicks prepares to welcome Abraham through meditation. photo credit Michelle Sampson

I didn’t raise my hand until a couple of attendees had already spoken and asked their questions.    Some literally have a full conversation with Abraham, their faces shown on large projection screens since they’re facing Abraham and not the audience, and many tell Abraham more about themselves then ask questions at all.   The first gentlemen that spoke appeared to have difficulty composing himself, he was visibly overwhelmed by Abraham’s presence and obviously the importance of the guidance he was about to receive.   He loosened up soon afterwards, and so did everyone in the audience, enjoying the conversation as it unfolded, and learning from it at the same time.    I got a little too comfortable at times and dosed off for a second or too.    I actually think this has something to do with the tone of Ester’s voice, it’s like she’s telling you a bedtime story and you’re tucked in bed feeling very safe and cozy.   Pass me the warm milk please.

“segment of refreshment” or two had passed, Abraham’s word for a break, and we were back in the ballroom eagerly waiting for more revelations.  I had already experienced a very close call with being picked, only when I stood up Abraham said “the one right behind you”  and I immediately sat back down.    I actually felt I had attracted Abraham to our location by amplifying my “light.”  The idea came to me when Abraham was talking about nature, and how it was a pure manifestation of source energy.  I remembered the time lapse video I had taken in the Everglades only a month earlier, complete with rolling clouds, shadows and sunlight mixed, and distant trees.   It was the perfect tool for getting me in the zone to speak, amping my light and vibration higher so they would see me.   I wasn’t concerned that they had already picked someone directly in back of me, even though the odds of coming to the same spot in a room of 1200 or so were pretty much against me.   As an audience member wrapped up their time with Abraham in the hot seat, I knew it was time for me to get ready. “This was it” I told myself and I powered up the HD video in my head of that beautiful day in the Everglades, the sunshine and the trees, the peace it brought me and before I knew it Ester’s finger was pointing directly at me once again.

I waited patiently.    “Stand if you think it’s you”.   I automatically jumped to my feet.    Then I noticed that Kim was standing right besides me!  Oh no!  What do I do?  I wanted Kim to have an amazing experience but at the same time I just knew I was going to get picked!  I decided I would ask Abraham and I looked at her / him / them and while pointing at myself said “me?”  Abraham nodded immediately and I walked down the row and approached the stage.    As I walked up the stairs I took a deep breath and said to myself “don’t worry, she’s just a kind lady, not a deity.”  I approached the hot seat and Abraham / Ester adjusted the microphone close to my mouth.   The actor in me actually wanted to know how I looked on those big screens and I was impressed since it appeared they got my good side.    I looked up and said “Hi.

Ester Hicks has said in interviews that nothing happens to her physically during a session with Abraham, except that her pupils dilate… and boy do they ever.   Looking into those dark eyes is interesting, because you clearly sense there’s something not human behind them, however not threatening.   And the energy is that of something old…very old… and yes, wise.    It’s a really nice energy, confortable but almost disconnected.    Almost like talking to a very nice person through a speaker phone, they are there but they’re not present physically.    Ester was clearly like a glorified iPhone of sorts, transmitting the thoughts and energy of another being.   The question I had worked on with Kim would have to wait because another question had come to mind shortly after the first break.    It was about a sensation I was experiencing, something very unexpected and something that made me realize this was the real deal.    While listening to a previous hot seat participant, I felt as though questions were being answered, only not the ones I was listening to.   Other questions.    Like you know the feeling you get when someone explains a difficult concept in math or on a new phone and it finally clicks?    That feeling.    Only it wasn’t about the current conversation, it was about other things and I don’t even know what those things were.   It was as if there was another form of communication taking place in the background, like another frequency with information in it that I was picking up on.     Yes, this is very sci-fi and it totally felt that way.    I felt it so strongly that I had mentioned it to the people sitting around me.    I got several different answers so I thought why not take my question to the source, no pun intended.

Abraham looked at me and motioned that they were ready for my question.    I began thinking how do I phrase this?   Whatever, here goes….   “So I’m sitting here and I’m listening to you speak and it feels like some other sort of processing is going on, something in the background….”   Abraham stopped me as they often do and said “If you feel this way it’s because you’re getting it.”  I decided I didn’t explain myself that well, although I really felt that was a total compliment, so I said “Well I’m wondering if you’re broadcasting on different frequencies, it’s like I hear something in the background as you’re talking and I’m processing it.   I don’t know what it says though….”  The audience laughed and Abraham, only maybe four feet away from me, looked straight into my eyes and began explaining that “there is only one frequency but many receivers.”   Still as Abraham is speaking I feel there’s something else being said, almost like a whisper over their words.   It wasn’t disturbing at all, it was rather way fucking cool to put it mildly.   I felt like my question had been answered the best way possible and perhaps that extra information would shed more light on the experience days later.    I asked my second question, one that sorta surprised the audience because they started to chuckle.   I asked Abraham Hicks for tips on what they do with Ester so that I could develop my own skills.   I have been reading Angel Cards and doing automatic writing for 20 years, so I figured this was a great opportunity for some tech talk of sorts.    Abraham was happy to assist and it felt amazing because there was truly a sense of validation from them.    Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

After I returned to my seat I was on the biggest natural high and I still haven’t come down.   In fact writing about the experience seems to have given me a spiritual “bump” and it’s pretty darn amazing.   While talking to Abraham was truly a wow moment, I wasn’t prepared for what happened afterwards… being approached by lots of people and being thanked for my questions.    It’s hard to explain the emotions that run through you when you’re already floating on cloud nine and one person after another compliments you, asks for your contact information and the best part, wants to give you a great big hug.    I’m all about hugs and so that was mind blowing… an all out hug-fest with complete strangers, love being shared across every kind of divide you can think of.    Wow.   This continued to occur while waiting for my car at the valet station,  being asked to give an impromptu card reading (using a phone app) and I nailed it.   Even after getting in the car and driving for an hour, I was approached by a wonderful lady at the turnpike service plaza that recognized me from the event, and thanked me for my question.  Turns out she was experiencing the same sensation I asked about.  And yeah, I got another great big hug.  🙂

photo credit: Michelle Sampson

Michelle Sampson, my newest friend and fellow Law Of Attraction follower, poses with me for a selfie. I was on the biggest natural high and it was great.

To say this event was life changing would be diluting the effect.  I’m still trying to process everything that happened and what it means to me personally.   It has strengthened my faith in God, in humanity, in my purpose on this planet and validated that I look amazing on the big screen.    Humor aside, this is what exploring spirituality is all about.   Finding your path, if not for just this moment in your life, and realizing you’re moving in the right direction.   The people I met at this event made a powerful impact on me, arguably just as much as Abraham Hicks did.   When an ancient collective consciousness tell’s you “you’re getting it” and your fellow humans seem to agree, it doesn’t get much better than that.    And that’s what the Law Of Attraction is all about… setting yourself up with positive emotions and love, and receiving it right back in great abundance.

My entire interaction with Abraham Hicks!  Listen on YouTube.  It’s very interesting how my memory of the conversation and the actual interaction vary slightly.   I received this audio via email after already publishing this post.  Rather than editing my original article, I thought I’d leave it be to illustrate how our reception of information can be interpreted differently depending on the situation.   

 

Changing Perspective On Loss

This article was originally a post I wrote within a spiritual based online group called “The Lightworkers Lab.”

Sometimes really bad things happen to us in life and we don’t understand why. We beat ourselves up, we’re angry at God, we ask “why?” in complete agony over what just occurred. People will say “everything happens for a reason” and we want to scream because the pain is unbearable. The answers aren’t always immediate and sometimes it takes years or even decades to see the light behind the darkest times in our lives.

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Being A Leader, A Follower, Or Both

I have a friend that sometimes annoys the hell out of me when she says:

“That person is such a follower, they’re not a leader, they just do what ever that other guy wants.  They can’t think for themselves.”   

The names have been removed to protect the innocent.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before and sometimes I even question myself and wonder where I fall in this scenario.    Am I a leader?  Or a follower?   Do I just take orders and advice blindly, or do I put some thought into it first?   Most recently, while pondering the cracks in my ceiling before falling asleep, (okay there are none, but it sets a mood) I realized it’s beneficial to be a little bit of both.  We should know when it’s best for us to let our inner leader shine and take command, and know when to let someone else do the driving, be the follower we need to be, and learn a thing or two.  Sometimes we might even realize that we’re following to a point that we’ve stopped thinking for ourselves, and that’s not a good thing.   When we do that, we give up a part of who we are, a slice of our identity, a hand it over to someone that may or may not know what’s in our best interest.  That sort of following can be seen in many areas of society, most notably in religious organizations and political affiliations.

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Amazing Reading, Amazing Woman.

Brett Butler

You never know in life who you’ll cross paths with.   The Universe has a way of surprising us at times, with the most far reaching of possibilities, and making them a reality.   When it happens you’re often dumbfounded, contemplating the finite details and cosmic planning that went into creating this introduction, a clear orchestration of some intelligence beyond our own.  Such is my story of how I recently met Brett Butler, and the most emotional, enjoyable, funny and validating hour of conversation I’ve had in recent memory.   To say this made an enormous impact on me would be an understatement, which can make it difficult to put into words, but I’ll do my best to share my experience of the best psychic reading I’ve ever had.

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My First Week On Facebook

Many of you have never known a world without Facebook.   By the time you were old enough to read and use a computer, this revolutionary technology of communication and complex algorithms that identified friend or foe was already around.   You’ve never known a world without a friends list, a world without a wall or timeline, a world without this connection that spans continents, age, sex or sexuality.   You’ve been born into this arena of mass communication that I never knew.   Until now.

I decided to join Facebook only for selfish reasons, I was a frustrated writer and I wanted the world to see what I had to offer, wanted an audience that would appreciate what I had to say.    I wasn’t prepared for what I would find.  Initially it was much of the same, guys looking to hook up.  After all, I was fresh meat as my partner Eric put it, the new kid on the block people had somehow missed while looking for new friends to add to their ever growing list.

But what I found was humanity in it’s best and worst forms.   I found people bearing their souls, telling anyone that would listen about the darkest times in their lives.  I found people sharing stories of hope and love, and I found the in-between… people neither happy nor sad, just those content with telling others about the remains of their day.

In this first week of Facebook I’ve seen some pretty intense drama but I’ve also seen a global community seeking change.    I’ve seen a collective consciousness crying out to the Universe, wanting its voice to be heard, needing empathy and compassion, love and respect.    I’ve seen hearts broken and families reunited.   I’ve seen way too many puppies and kittens and other furry creatures that still manage to make me laugh.  I’ve seen what it is to be human.    The good, the bad and the not so certain.

While the technology is old in industry terms, and some would argue its time has come and gone, I think there’s a more important ideal it brings to those seeking truth.   It’s our message in the bottle, our representation of what the human race considers dear and precious, no matter how obscure the author is or was.

Perhaps in a millennia or so, the Earth might be a charred cinder, floating in space, the end result of occupants too intelligent for their own good.   But in the ash, perhaps a server or two will survive and provide some passerby a glimpse into what it was to be human.   That in itself is priceless.

Thank you Facebook.

The Faith Crash

I’m a very spiritual person.   My belief system is pretty simple in practice, but comprised of several different religions.  It’s basically the “greatest hits” from Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism with a dash of Paganism.    I have a strong faith in God or a creator, I talk to him all the time.  Like Catholics pray to Saints, I talk to my Angels and ask them for guidance.    When I need extra special light energy in my home, I burn oil lamps (thank you Nikitha) for Ganesha, Durga and Lakshmi.    During the holidays I decorate a Christmas tree and enjoy the amazing tradition of saying prayers while lighting a menorah.   So you can imagine what a horrible feeling I experience when all of this collapses and I don’t believe in anything.    That’s what I call a faith crash and I’m sure I’m not the only one that goes through it.

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