This article was originally a post I wrote within a spiritual based online group called “The Lightworkers Lab.”
Sometimes really bad things happen to us in life and we don’t understand why. We beat ourselves up, we’re angry at God, we ask “why?” in complete agony over what just occurred. People will say “everything happens for a reason” and we want to scream because the pain is unbearable. The answers aren’t always immediate and sometimes it takes years or even decades to see the light behind the darkest times in our lives.
When I was 28 years old things were going pretty great for me. I was entering a time of independance as a happily single man, I had a great job, and a best friend, Jose, whom was like a father figure to me. I had decided to enter the world of home ownership and realized I could actually make it happen. During the process I hit a small financial pitfall and Jose immediately said he would assist me to make sure I could buy the place I wanted. I was very grateful to him but part of me wished I could do it on my own. I wrote a journal entry that night wondering why God was always jumping in with help, why didn’t he let me do something on my own for a change? Yes, I know what you’re thinking.
Maybe two weeks later, on a Monday morning, Jose thought he had a kindney stone as there was blood in his urine. The doctor at the ER sent him home with some meds and clean bill of health. Only his condition continued to worsen, the bleeding increasing at an exponential rate and I took him back to the hospital Monday night. Jose died four days later at 7:30 AM Friday morning. My life was turned upside down.
Jose was like a dad, big brother and best friend wrapped up into one. My entire family considered him as such and he traveled with us on holidays, joining us for Thanksgiving dinners and the like. Although he had a big family, he never felt he could be himself as they were very homophobic. I was blessed to know Jose for eleven years and he even got me started with my present day career at his job. We had breakfast and lunch every day of the work week and even spent weekends together. My mom even gave him keys to the house to make sure he had a place to go, because life at his home could be too much to handle at times. He was an Earth Angel in every sense of the word.
After Jose’s death my day to day existence was pretty empty and almost blank feeling. The New Year brought with it the new millennium and I spent Y2K alone in front of my computer screen, chatting with 23 others in an Amercia Online chat room. I always felt like kicking myself for making that comment about my life being too easy…perhaps I was being a spoiled brat and God was teaching me a lesson. I should have known better than to be so smug to the creator himself.
But then this morning, almost 20 years after Jose’s death, I realized something as if a brick struck me in the head. God wasn’t upset at me for my remarks, on the contrary, he was so very proud. He knew I had grown sufficiently to handle an event which was being delayed for my benefit. Jose’s time on the Earth was growing short, his own development reaching a point where it was time for him to move forward. Being the loving and caring person he was, his higher self working in concert with God, was waiting until I could handle the loss. This wasn’t punishment at all, it was acknowledgement and celebration of my growth. Jose’s light and being, was ready to move on, and I was finally ready to let him go.
Perspective is everything in life. I was angry that someone that had been woven into the fabric of my life was so suddenly removed from me. The pain was unbearable and I often thought about my journal entry and how stupid it was. When in reality so many events were being planned so that I could have Jose in my life as long as possible, so that I could experience his love and generosity until I could handle his passing. It was perfectly timed and with perfect love. I just couldn’t see it while wrapped up in such grief and sadness.
This awareness came to me while journaling once again and thanking God for the blessings that I’m surrounded in. I was writing how I feel the Universe speaks to me with more clarity each day, how law of attraction is visibly working and then suddenly this came to me. I knew I had to share it right away because it was truly a gift and blessing within itself. If you’re reading this, know that you are loved by Source in ways that you can’t imagine and that the bad times in your life, while extremely painful at times, can have much light hidden inside.
Love and blessings to all of you.
I made this video of Jose almost 15 years ago from old VHS tapes I had. It’s very short but I felt it highlighted the light that shined from him on a daily basis.